According to All the Dead People

According to all the dead people, death is a pretty

silent place, where people don’t make any attempts at

communication or whatnot, movement. Of course, I know people

believe in ghosts, but I can not abide with that.

Anything supernatural is less than natural. I don’t buy it.

I mean when the Bible discusses all of the exceptions

to death, it never mentions handball or windsurfing.

I’m thinking, WTF, Bible, you’re not even including these

very minor sports? How can I expect you to help me

with Algebra when all you want to discuss is God and his

goofy preferences regarding culinary issues? I wouldn’t

think he’d care about food at all. But, he does.

And apparently its a big deal to him. In fact, he’s so concerned

about the situation of yeast in bread that he can’t even

think straight. I don’t trust him. I think he’s flipped. Even

though everyone thinks there’s a heaven, I still have

to shower before my in-laws show up.