Matrix - Red/Blue

  1. Come November, you find yourself entangled in some type of “Saw” scenario
  2. You get all of your political advice from Scott Baio’s Twitter feed
  3. You have been voluntarily living in a bunker waiting for the rapture and/or ABBA to put out a new album
  4. You are still recovering from James Blaine’s 1884 loss to Grover Cleveland
  5. You are Vladimir Putin
  6. You were involved in a serious accident and you won’t regain consciousness until the David Duke / Hitler’s Hologram 2024 ticket
  7. Your toaster told you not to
  8. You are serving a life sentence in a transparent Hannibal Lector-style prison
  9. Ever since you saw that documentary (“The Matrix”) you don’t really see the point in voting
  10. You’re too busy looking for Obama’s birth certificate