- Come November, you find yourself entangled in some type of “Saw” scenario
- You get all of your political advice from Scott Baio’s Twitter feed
- You have been voluntarily living in a bunker waiting for the rapture and/or ABBA to put out a new album
- You are still recovering from James Blaine’s 1884 loss to Grover Cleveland
- You are Vladimir Putin
- You were involved in a serious accident and you won’t regain consciousness until the David Duke / Hitler’s Hologram 2024 ticket
- Your toaster told you not to
- You are serving a life sentence in a transparent Hannibal Lector-style prison
- Ever since you saw that documentary (“The Matrix”) you don’t really see the point in voting
- You’re too busy looking for Obama’s birth certificate
