Welcome Petsitter!

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Welcome Petsitter!Hi Susan DOUG BEVERLY JARED MARY ANN!

  1. CO-CO! Some jerk declawed her front and back so she stays indoors. You won’t see her much if at all so don’t knock yourself out trying to be friends. Also, will only eat dry food (fill to notch in bowl) and water from a glass—do NOT give her leftovers she will have it EXPLOSIVELY both ends. She goes outside for us but she is safer in. If she gets out, just leave the cat door unlocked and she will come in eventually. Make SURE it’s CO-CO that comes in, she’s black with white spot on head — last time we came back there were 3 inside incl. Trashy Pete!
  2. BATHROOMS– Please use the fan when you shower otherwise Quentin’s clothes (closet next to bathroom) get damp/mildew or whatever.

The other cat litter bathroom is so weird, no window, we hardly use it. Also, it SMELLS. Sorry.

  1. KITCHEN– Gas stove. Very old. Need matches to light, kind of sketch. USE ONLY IF YOU MUST! New stove on backorder. Sorry.

Best restaurant for lunch is Water Street Bistro!

Do not to go Walden’s – yuck.

Other good: Sandy’s – expensive

Corner Market – expensive but snooty and fishy bathroom

Higher Ground (breakfast) – good coffee but Trustafarian CENTRAL.

Kabob Kingdom – 24-hour delivery!

  1. TV– Two remotes. Silver one for channel changes; black is on/off and volume. Roku has purple string. Quentin was supposed to add directions how to use these – SORRY!
  2. SMOKING– If you want to smoke pot, there is some in the top R drawer L of fridge in black pouch. BE DISCREET! and IF YOU SMOKE go down near the caboose house NOT in open field behind house.
  3. CABOOSE HOUSE– In the caboose house in back lives my landlord’s cousin named Dave. He doesn’t wear shirts, he’s home, and he drinks. A real nice guy. Say hi Dave if you see him.
  4. NO SEX! We have nanny cam and will put on Internet.
  5. SWORDS. Do not touch!
  6. WiFi– Penis911 (temp password: your name) — Quentin is so immature!
  7. RACOON – aka Trashy Pete. Make sure to lock the sliding doors in the living room and DO NOT take garbage out until you hear the truck at the top of the street. Watch out for loose flagstone third from end. Check porch roof/underneath porch for Pete before you take trash out.
  8. AIR HORN/GLOVES/FIRST-AID KIT— under sink near trash bags.
  9. MISC.- We see those lights in the open field all the time and have NOT BEEN abducted by aliens. The Napa Valley Herald is full of crap!
  10. THE DOLL ROOM.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. LOCKED at all times.
  11. Discount tickets wineries on the coffee table. Have fun!

    Photo used under CC.

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About Author

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Jen Michalski is the author of the novels The Summer She Was Under Water and The Tide King (both Black Lawrence Press); a couplet of novellas, Could You Be With Her Now (Dzanc Books); and two collections of fiction, From Here and Close Encounters. Her work has appeared in more than 100 publications, including Poets & Writers. In 2013, she was named as “One of 50 Women to Watch” by The Baltimore Sun and “Best Writer” by Baltimore Magazine. She is the host of a fiction reading series in Baltimore, called Starts Here! and editor in chief of the weekly lit journal jmww.

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